Happy Birthday Mom.

December 13, 1903 was the day my mom was born in Alta Loma, Texas. She was born in a house built from driftwood from the 1900 Storm in Galveston. For more about my Mother click here.



These pictures were taken in here late 70's when she was still managing the apartments where she lived. I think that if you knew my mother this is how you remember her best with a loving smile on her face. Or maybe laughing, but I don't have any pictures of her laughing.

Home for Christmas

I have been thinking a lot about life now and life when I was young. The picture below is a repeat and the story I am going to tell is a repeat, but some times context changes the story.



We are on the precipice of a calamity that was completely avoidable, a financial collapse, or maybe just a deep and dark recession or depression again. We are told that there is a debt crisis. There is not, there is a character crisis. Money is now the God of the US and we have chosen the Golden Calf. That God is a heartless God and we are about to reap the coldness of that heartlessness.

I told the story of how my mother would bake cookies and wrap my sisters and I up and visit Shut-ins to bring them Christmas Cheer a few Carols.

Moms stayed home in the 50's. They were not useless. They cared for Children, and served in the community. They managed their home, as important a task as managing any of our current Fast Food places that do not provide the balanced diet that I grew up with.

We have sold our homes for TV's in every room and everyone with a cell phone. We allow strangers in the house via the internet to reach our children who are Home Alone. Then there is that food that has processed out the nutrients and now is in danger of having all other ills due to the rising cry against Regulation.

Our God Money exacts a terrible price.

So I thought about the way it was when I was young and safe. I am a realist. We had segregation back then where the bounty of our blessings were not bestowed upon all people. Mexicans and Blacks were both segregated from the opportunities the rest of us had by all measures. Our future masters were going across the world establishing dictatorships under the guise of protecting us from the boogieman of Communism. From those countries with our dictators we took resources that gave us our Lifestyle that we boasted was given to us by God as we were superior.

But at home were still a people naive enough to believe God provided for us because we, as individuals were doing our best to live as we each believed that God wanted us to live.

My mind wandered from the bankruptcy of empty homes, where mothers (or maybe fathers) stayed home so the kids had a safe place to come to.

It was not perfect, we are not supposed to be perfect, but we are supposed to move toward perfection, or as our Governing Document says "more perfect".

My life is far more behind me than ahead. I just wanted to suggest to anyone who reads this that there is way out of our current enslavement to the Golden Calf. I pray at this time we seek back to a time where there was promise of a better future and find that promise for all this time, all colors, all faiths, all genders. I also pray that in that freedom and exclusivity we remember, that it is not about number one or having it all, but about being Guided by God of Love, in all the forms people find Him.

Mom, Thanks for being the heart of our home and providing me a safe and loving place to grow up. I miss you very much.

Christmas With The Gerlachs

I do not remember what year this was,but it was from 1999 or 2000 I think. First we have food. The Turkey was fried and it was really Good.



The Turkey



Sweet Potatoes, Ham, Dressing, Mashed Potatoes in teh COvered Pot, and rolls. Yum.



The Cornbread Dressing.



Every year on the day after Thanksgiving, Rod spent the day putting up Christmas Decorations. They were really nice at night.



Rod and Carol in the kitchen with Cara ducking to get out of the picture.



Cheryl and her sister-in-law.



Rod's Brother-in-law, Don.



Cheryl and I Did the inside decorations. I made the Decorations over the fire place.



Cheryl did most of the other decorations.











Just for the Record, I lived with Rod, Cheryl, and Cara for several years. Rod in my opinion is one of the nicest most honorable men I know. We did not always see things eye to eye, but we were always able to work though it.

I hope that he is happy now. If he ever decided to play for the other team, I can not think of anyone who I would want to live the rest of my life with. Alas, taht will never be the situation. Happy Holidays Rod and the rest of the Gerlachs and Arneys.

Last of Julia and James

I guess I am a non-person to James, the younger, and Julia. Funny thing about just ignoring people, there are so many questions unanswered. When I left, the status of things were that Julia was scared that James, the older, would take James the younger away from her and commit her to an institution.

For all I know that happened. Maybe my friend is out there in an institution somewhere. But, such is life.

So here are the last of the pictures I have of Julia and James. Update: I found a few more items from James' birth. The are added at bottom




The picture above is me. It was taken by Julia at the duplex on Harral Street just up from Pease Park. It was a great little duplex. I really do not do drag and when I have done it, it was comic drag. Julia left me alone while she attended to James and this is what happened.



In June of 1982, Julia and the Jameses came down to Houston for a Wedding. My friend Debbie, who was visiting from San Antonio, and I picked up James, the younger, and took him to the Houston Zoo during the wedding.



This is Debbie at her home in San Antonio. Debbie and Julia's mothers knew each other. Both were of Polish decent. Small world.



The day was typical Texas Summer heat. James was miserable. We did our best to keep him cool.



I am not sure if this was at the Zoo or at the Church where the wedding was, but it was Zoo Day!



Goats at the petting zoo. James was not quite sure about the goats but they liked him.



So this is all I have of my friendship with Julia that lasted from about 1976 to 1987. I was able to understand Julia's actions in 1987, but not so much now. It is sad how people's minds narrow with age.

James birth announcement and Thank You note:













A pebble gently tossed in a pond creates small waves that changes things all around the pond as they radiate outward. The many tiny waves that we rise and fall on are not always perceived and we take it that our ups and downs are our own. That is a false notion. What is ours is what we do with those ups and downs. It is a wise person who accepts with grace and thanks for the lifting and accepts with resolve and forgiveness for the falling. No man, even in the midst of great separation, is every alone as he is in the constant company of his memories, be they good or bad, and the shadows of forces that act unseen and unknown.

Nathan 1985

In 1985 my niece, Cheryl, ran away from home in southeast Houston. She had good reason, but at the time I did not know that. She came to Austin with boyfriend Todd in tow and on the Ides of March, she knocked on my from door. My life was changed for ever. One of those changes was Nathan.

Below is Nathan in my favorite photo of him.



I a not sure when this photo was taken. Nathan and I lived together four times. The first time was 1985. I am fairly sure this was taken then. We are at Pease Park in Austin. There is a hike and bike trail and at the north end the trail crosses over Shoal Creek and the trail ends about a half block later.

Austin sits on a fault, the Balcones fault. It runs from Downtown Austin at the corner of San Antonio and 7th street all the way up to about Hwy 183. The terrain is sharply ripped apart. Pease Park runs between Shoal Creek and the Fault. at the spot this was taken there is a pond formed by some large rocks and the cliff of the fault. I am on a rock looking down at Nathan. Nathan is on a rock and has a rock in his hand. He is looking up at me. The look on his face makes me wonder if he was not contemplating throwing the rock at me.

The next picture is probably in 1988. One Purpose of this blog is to get my dates and stories straight.



It is taken in the same place, but there are frequent floods of Shoal Creek and the natural furniture changes. Nathan is on the same rock as above but the surroundings had changed. This is my second favorite picture of Nathan.

After my Cheryl and Todd were allowed to stay with me, her younger sister, Lisa, decided that it was time to leave home as well. An alcoholic for a father and a mother that was pressed to beyond her limits made home a very bad place to be. Lisa also brought a boy friend, Nathan.

They however could not find me. Carol and the kids had lived in Austin for about two years before moving down to Houston in January of 1985. When they moved the Son of a friend of Carol, Betty moved into their house and finished out the lease. Betty and my sister had worked together at a "Christian" Book Store Betty Owned.

Lisa and Nathan went to the house and they let the two wanderers stay there. Very soon the younger niece left and left Nathan there.



I got a call from Betty telling me that Lisa had dumped Nathan at her kids house. Betty told me that Nathan was at her son and daughter-in-law and was a pot smoker and I needed to come get him. I was just finding out that Lisa was in Austin and that she also had brought a boyfriend.

I told Betty I would go over and see what I could do.



I went over to meet Nathan. My first impression was not a positive one. I told Nathan that I would drive him to Houston the following Sunday. He said he was fine where he was. I said OK.



In less than 24 hours Betty took Nathan and dropped him off at my house. She did not get out of the car, she just showed him the house and told him to get out. Nice Christian behavior. By this time Cheryl and Todd had moved to their own place (shared flop apartment) so Nathan stayed with me while I figured out what to do. There was no pot at my place so in a few days Nathan began to sober up.



Nathan went with me where ever I went and we began to get to know each other. I soon began to fall in love with Nathan. I was very clear about the fact that I was more than twice his age and that the boy was not interested in men. Love is an odd thing, it flows along many paths. Once again I moved in to my father figure mode and Nathan and I forged a friendship.

Origins 1946 - 1949

I was born on August 14, 1946. I have no idea who my birth parents are. I was given up for adoption at birth. Then about a year later Mom decided to come back and get me, Or so I am told. It appears that I was discharged to my Mother August 12, 1947.

My Real Mother, the one who raised me, said that the case worker for my adoption said that My Birth Maternal Grandmother pushed my Birth Mother to come get me back at a time when there was a man in her life. I do not know what happened, but the man left and after while I was taken from my birth mother.

I was readmitted to De Pelchin on March 16, 1949.




I was discharged to be adopted on June 17th 1949. I have some memories of this formative period but have no memories at all of my Birth Mother. I remember looking out a window from De Pelchin and seeing kids playing in a playground surrounded by buildings. When years later I described this memory to my Mother she said it sounded like De Pelchin. I also remember a visit, probably the day they took me from my mother, from what must have been a case worker. She took me downstairs to a grocery store very close to where I lived, and she bought me an ice cream.

I also remember being at a foster home in Alvin and the foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Sellars. It was a happy place.




I moved in with my Real Parents John and Sally Pearson later in 1949, sometime before my birthday. My parents had this made to send to relatives to announce my "birth" into their Family. I was Home. The only real home I have ever known.



This was taken in 1950 in May. My Adoption papers were just being finalized at this point. I was legally Roy Edward Pearson. An Orphan no more.

After I left Home, I lived as a nomad, each residence a temporary place to rest my head. Until my 60's I never lived in one place more than a year. I moved on an average of every 6 months.

My Biggest Mistake, Loosing Carter.

I met Carter in 1976. I was at one of many junctures in my life where I was lost, adrift. I had moved to a small campus dorm called "The Brownlee".



That's Carter, the most beautiful man I had seen up to that point. Well, I thought he was a man, but as it turns out he was only 18, but by then he had lived a lot more than his years.



It took a while for me to get to actually meet Carter, and a little longer to get him to trust me. When I first moved into the Brownlee, I had noticed Carter in the laundry room. My heart seemed to stop whenever I saw him.

One day I was coming home and saw Carter at the back of the Brownlee leaning against his car smoking. Rather than go inside, I walked toward the end of the building. It seemed clear that Carter was looking at me as I approached, but I got scared as I got near and turned away and went in the back door.

As soon as I got inside, I told myself I needed to go out and talk to Carter. I did. It was kind of funny to him, he said later. We talked and he invited me up to his room for a "beer". I went with him. When we got to the room, he offered me a beer and I told him I did not drink. I blurted out that I was in love with him and wanted to be his friend. He said no way and I left.

He avoided me for a while then one day I saw him again in the laundry room and I stopped and said hi to him. He responded and we slowly became friends.

By the end of the year I had lost Carter's trust and lost him as a friend, forever. That is my biggest mistake in my life. It is probable I would have lost him along the way in any case, but I can't imagine any other way would have been as bad as the way it happened.



This is the cast of characters. The guy on the left that looks a bit like he is melting, is me. I was melting to have Carter's arm around me. So that is Carter, again, next to me. Next to him is a fellow I barely knew. He worked at a Mexican Restaurant. He and the next fellow, Mark, worked together. Mark is the other character in the loss of Carter.

The picture was taken by my friend Debbie. It is in my room at the Brownlee. Carter, Mark, and Debbie lived in the Brownlee and I was the manager by this time.



The next few pictures were of Carter, in his room. I had assumed my usual role of man servant. Carter had a lot going for him he had just not had a lot of constructive guidance.



He had been on the streets since he was 14, making a living as best he could. Given his looks you can figure the rest. As a result he held himself in a very defensive stance. That was not productive for regular life. I helped him relax his stance and learn some of the people skills he needed, but Carter was plenty smart and needed only a point in the right direction.



He got a job as a waiter at a famous cafe on the "Drag" near the campus. He did well and was soon offered a job as a shift manager.



My best buddy, Michelle and Carter, both Scorpios had an immediate attraction but Carter was young and Michelle was in a relationship. The picture above and the next five were taken at the duplex that Michelle and Holly lived in. Michelle took the pictures.



There was an event that I do not want to go too much into detail about, but we had a very innocent bonding moment that might have taken us in a path that neither of us wanted. It is the difficult part of being Gay and not really liking the gay lifestyle. Carter was straight and when he was around women that was very clear.

I once asked Carter if in his days on the street if I had paid to be with him, would he have let me just be with him without any physical activity. He said no. I guess when you engange in that kind of activity it has to remain detached not anything like a real relationship.


So we had the moment that built a trust between us.



I was frustrated. The greater part of me wanted to have a close friendship with Carter, but I was a normal male (sorry even homosexuals have normal sex drives typical of men. So Carter and I decided that we both needed mates and if we had that it would relieve the tensions.



So being a Leo, I immediately began to find a mate so I could have the friendship I wanted with Carter. Emotionally, I was just as immature as Carter and this seemed like a good idea. It was not.



I was, and still am, at my core a pretty conservative person. That was in my personal life, not my politics. I wanted a relationship with one person for the rest of my life.



What happened, next was my second biggest mistake and that story will not be completely told here, but I made a bad choice for "mate". It is a long story and it consumed much of my life in late 1976 and 1977. Heck, I was 29 and would be thirty in August. My generation, the baby boomers, had as our mantra "never trust anyone over thirty". I do not know what we thought we would do when we reached 30, but such is youth. I went bonkers for my thirtieth Birthday.



I was also trying real hard about this time to be gay. By that I mean in my outer presence. The picture above is representative of that period where I was trying to be someone I was not. Oh, I was and am very homosexual, but I have never really been gay. The two things are not the same, or at least not in my life.

Gays really do not like people like me, Homosexual but not gay. I am not willing to buy into that whole lifestyle, from bar hopping to living life as performance art.



The problem with this blog, is that it is not chronological. I had begun my nomadic life moving on average every six months. I had moved to Austin in the fall of 1971. I lived with Bruce on Clawson, lived alone at 704 San Antonio street, moved to Enfield with Pat and then out on Parker. After that I moved to 1206 West and then to 1400 Rio Grande. Back to the 700 San Antonio block, then back to 1400 Rio Grande. Lived in two apartments there and then out to the Riverside area with Rick. Moved from the Riverside Apartment to Oltorf and then to the Brownlee. In less that 5 years I had lived in 13 different places.



As one might see in this picture, I was happy at Apartment 201, 2502 Nueces. I had friends that lived in the Brownlee, Cater, Debbie, and Mark. I had friends in the Campus area, Michelle, Julia, Gayle. The campus area was freeing for me. Carter had pierced my ear and I wore a stud. The piercing and stud were kind of a bonding ritual and outward sign of a close relationship. Rick would visit me here and borrow my Army Uniform with my Purple Heart attached for a Halloween costume. He moved to New York shortly afterward and I have never seen him or my Purple Heart since, but he got a role on the Soap "Another World" as Larry.



I think I was still a 30" or 32" waist here. I had a pair of green stovepipe leg pants that I loved to go dancing in. Debbie and I would walk down to the sixth street area and dance at the gay bars there. The pants actually came up to my official waist and covered the fact that I had a long waist (more torso, less leg). People always called me long-legged because I was tall, but it was not true. I am somewhere between a 30 and 32" inseam which for 6'2" is short.



And then there was Mark. I suppose I should have been interested in Mark, but Mark was really strange. Not necessarily bad strange, but just real uneven, disconcerting. About a year or so after this I had another interaction with Mark, and it confirms what I should have known, that Mark wanted some attention like Carter got. . I do not remember all the details. For some reason I was at a house talking to a woman on some matter of business - porbably related to an Entertainment Project I was working on. By coincidence she was sleeping with Mark. She went off to do something and in walks Mark stark naked and clearly in a post-state of arousal.

He acted as if there was nothing unusual, put on some shorts and I finished what ever it was I was doing there and left. The only reason I remember the event was the interaction with Mark.

Mark was very well endowed, though this picture does not really show that.






These pictures were not taken by me. So on to the Big Mistake. One day Mark and I were talking. I am pretty sure it was after things started to get bad. All of my friends were trying to tell me that the direction I was going was a disaster, but I guess it was like quicksand, once you got so deep it was hard to pull yourself out.

The subject got around to Carter and why I had taken this other course to begin with. I expressed the feeling that Carter and I were really close and Mark questioned it. He said in effect that not only was Carter not interested in guys, which he wasn't, but that he would never be interested in me.

I should have kept my mouth shut, but I told him about Carter and my moment together, which was nothing really, two guys completely clothed with no touching in any sensitive places, but an opportunity given that was never taken.

Needless to say, Mark went straight to Carter and asked about the story. Carter never spoke to me civilly again.




Only Carter and I knew what that moment meant. That was 35 years ago. I kept trying to make contact with Carter for a couple of years, kind of halfheartedly stalked him.




Then probably in 1978, I was living back at the Brownlee. I walked to a neighborhood grocery store. I saw Carter was on his balcony of an apartment not more that a block from me. I was too afraid to try to talk to him.

My friend John from Houston was up visiting as I was fixing to move from the Brownlee again and we stopped by Carters. John went to see him. I told John I did not want to see Carter, I just wanted to know how he was. John and Carter had spent time together when John would visit I was at work. John is a romantic fairy and loves happy endings so when Carter asked if I was with him, John said yes. I knew Carter well enough that he would never speak kindly to me again, but John did not think I knew what I was talking about.

Carter came up to the car and told me to leave him alone. The irony was that I had by that time put him out of my immediate life and if I had not lived a block from him - unintentionally - this interaction would not have happened.

I was crushed immediately but it was what I needed to close this chapter with Carter. I have never stopped loving him.

The biggest mistake of my life was loosing Carter, I wish that one day he would be back around 6.